Co-parenting by Gods grace.

So as the scripturein the last post played out in my head I got all these ideas. I wanted to interview my Pastor and ask her about her life as a single minister of Christ. I tried to wrap my heart around the fact that I might never get married because that might not be Gods plan for my life and it was hard. I went to church the next day and told my Pastor about the scripture and she immediately shot it down. She said God is just taking extra time working on my husband lol.  Whew! What a relief, why would God give me such a strong desire to be a help-meet if it wasn't in his plan
"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18
and... Kash needs a Dad. Speaking of Kashs Dad we've both been throwing grace around. Dealing with the fact that even though our child is already 3 we still really don't want to be around each other :) And then I see God work on this mans heart. His heart that was so hardened towards our child that it is truly  Gods glory to see this man take us on an outing and even offer to pay for me. That he texts me and lets me know whats going on with him and plans out days for us to take Kash out. I even felt comfortable enough to let him watch Kash while I went to church for 2 hours. We still get angry and when the opportunity presents itself we take our jabs but still I know Gods hand is all up on this situation. Im so glad that hes getting to know Kash and Kash is so excited about it. He begs me take him to his Grandmas house and since I dont have a Mom or grandparents myself I can admit it makes me happy to know my son does. We're co parenting and I think Im starting to like it :)

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.-Psalm 37:4

Put some "respeck" on it

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Jesus I know that your God and that I need to put some respeck on your name... Is how I started off one of my many conversations that I have with the Lord.

 I just really needed to get some perspective on what was going on in my life. Does it really have to be so hard? And then God listened to me as I talked about wanting to love myself and I got up the courage to take myself out on a date. A real date, not like my outings to Veggie Grill by myself weren't real dates but this time I was going to a concert. I went to see Robert Glasper and Terrace Martin, my two favorite jazz artist. So I dropped Kash off with my Dad and then proceeded to get dolly and by dolly I mean shorts a cute top and my favorite purple vampira lip shade by Kat Von D. On my way out the door I get a call from my ex, you know, the one who helps me out with this recovery process.  He was also on the way to the concert and asked if we could just meet up.
When we got to the concert it was packed so we stayed outside and just talked. It was normal, it was innocent, it was nothing like the "We" that we used to be in the past. He helped me to gain perspective on my Dads recovery and I think he kind of understands that Im not the girl he used to have late nights and early mornings with. I wasn't even bummed that I missed the concert because after standing around long enough my ex and I both spotted Terrace Martin and Robert Glasper standing outside just chilling and guess who got to take pictures with both of them :) My night was made my ex walked me to my car and gave me a hug of course he made a smart comment about how I had him on some square stuff, but it was sweet still. Closure.

God gave me closure because that night made me realize that no matter how fine he was or how much I could relate to him he just wasn't the one and nothing could ever change that. I got home on a high feeling like I could do anything and so I called up this guy, a personal trainer who always comes into my job. I talked to him outside for about 15 minutes and I knew, he was going to be my trainer. Needless to say I have lost about 9 lbs so far and we have only been working out for about 3 weeks or so but there will be more about my trainer on my next post.