BE

I am just sitting here being totally unproductive and it's annoying me so I figured I'd write before starting my day. Let's talk about control anl and how I had to let go of being in control to find myself. So I battle with depression and anxiety. Today I am winning the battle but not too long ago, I just didn't know if I would make it through. I thought that if I kept my schedule busy I wouldn't have time to be depressed. Wrong. I thought that if I was overactive in the church God would love me more. Wrong. Totally wrong, because you can't earn what is freely given. And so one day it was just like stop. Stop everything. Stop running around with your 3, now 4 year old in tow.  I didn't even notice it but I developed a routine which helps so much with anxiety and depression. I work overnight, get my child from daycare and then I take him to school. The rest of that time is filled with meditation and sleep. Then I pick Kash up from school I cook dinner and spend quality time with my child until it's time for work. It helps. To just be free, no obligations. For now. I am listening and trusting that when it's tiime to pick something back up my creator will lead me to it. So for now I will just BE. BE happy BE free BE not in control.