Abba, I promised You a year of faithfulness and wow how fast that year went by. I am lost standing on Your promises. I fall and I stumble too. I thank You for the Holy Spirit and Your son for saving me. For allowing me to get back up again. These promises Yah, Im starting to feel like Abram now. Like how. Like you gave me dates and stuff. Its getting close. Just reassure me Abba. Forgive me where I fall short. I need Your help. Send me a sign. Send me some goodness. I need something good Abba. I love You.

Abba, I release all distractions to you. My mind runs in a million directions and sometimes I cant focus on you. And still all I want is You. To know You, to prove to others that You are real. You don't need me to fight Your battles I need You. So I ask you Abba to cleanse me of all negativity. I choose to live in your light with Your guidance and integrity. Abba I want to use the gifts you gave me to magnify You. Show me the way. Show me how to give You glory. Although I need to see Your glory. You don't even need me to give You glory. Your God alone all powerful, all mighty. A God who gave Sarah and Abraham a promise and delivered. A God who had Jonah swallowed by a whale. A God who led Samson to pursue a foreigner so You could get glory. So God show out in me so You can get glory but keep me mindful of You. To always want to be in Your presence to always want more of You, because Abba Your bigger than I could ever imagine. I will never know you fully You are vast and my God you spoke into the vast and created the Heavens and the Earth. I could never fully know your full power Your full hand. So show me your presence. Get Glory out of my life. I give my heart to You. I remember Your power and Your promises. You are not a man, You cannot lie and so I trust Your promises will come to pass. Time means nothing to the God who created time, who created language, who mixed things up. Who gave us freewill and knew I would always come back to You.
I love You Abba. Always and forever. More of Your glory My Love. More of Your glory.

YHWY, I want you to be bigger than love because you are love. I want you to be bigger than confusion because your the prince of peace. I need you to be everything that I am searching for because you have all the answers. If its not in your will then I don't want it. How can the created thing long for something the creator didn't create for them. So Yah take it all please. Take it all away, the things You don't want me to have and then give me peace. Fill me with ease because I have You and if I have You everything will be ok. I need You. that's it that's all. Help me where I am unsure. Help me. I need You.

Oh most high how I love You! I adore you! I praise You Abba! Your everything. Im soooooo in love with You. Thank you for Your love, Your mercy and Your grace. Your soooo good. So good. Thank you!

Yahweh I'm so in love with you Abba. Your magnificent and so worthy of praise. I adore You my mighty and wonderful king. May I dwell in your presence forever. May I always feel your love. May I always want you. Yahushua  please fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Thank You for keeping me. Molding me and making me whole. Thank You for making me Yours. I want to follow You and keep Your laws. I believe Abba.

Just For Me

'For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. '

2 Corinthians 7:10
https://my.bible.com/bible/1/2CO.7.10We are all sinners that fall short of the glory of The Most High. Every day we sin, when we cuss out that car who cut you off. When you lose your temper and let that cussword slip when your kids are cutting up. Taking a pen from your job and not returning it. We are bent towards sin. Praise Abba for sending his only son to justify us.
My biggest struggle, the thing that convicts me the most is purity. I have to fight to keep it. It is my innate desire to be loved. The cold part is I have been loved since before my creation by the Most High God. Sometimes I lose sight of that love and I convince myself that only a man can do that for me. That is a lie from the pit of hell but since I was 19 thats what I thought. I praise God that I can practice celibacy it is changing my whole life. Sex is the one sin that seperates me from Yah. I have to abstain from it.
For others it might not be sex that convicts you the most. It might be something else. Abstain, get clarity and stay focused. Its hard but, its a marathon. You might fall but get back up. Stay close to Elohim. Trust the Holy Spirit. Ask the Holy Spirit to go before you every day that you wake. Yall don't even know yet, how dope the Holy Spirit is. My God, He is amazing and powerful and He's got you as long as you acknowledge Yahushua(Jesus) and invite Him into your life.

Abba, that You will forgive us for where we fall short. I pray that You will wash anew wherever we fall short. I thank you for you tender mercies that fall fresh on us every morning. I thank You for Your loving kindness. Abba Your so good. Your so mighty. Your all powerful. You hold the whole world in Your hands. I pray for everyone who is hurting right now. I pray for everyone who cant pinpoint or begin to find the reason for their pain. I pray that you give us what we need. I pray that you give us You. Pour out your glory Abba. Touch us. Just one touch from you is all we need Abba. We are thirsty for you Yah. If you would only just give us a drink we would never thirst again. We need you Abba. I beg you please to fill us. Help us to walk out this journey with you. Strengthen us Yah. I love you. You are so good.

love.

Abba this has been some month. So many people are hurting and going through changes. Big changes full of loss. I imagine some of them cant see their way out. I know some are afraid of what the future holds. Yah, help them to trust you, Lord send your word. Send peace Father, send comfort. Show them the light at the end of the tunnel. You have good plans father because your good. Your perfect in all of your ways even when we don't understand it. Please Abba wrap you arms around everyone who is hurting. God comfort them. We trust you and we love You.

2019

So much can change in 2 years. The last time I posted in April 2017 I had a year of sobriety under my belt and I had repaired the relationships with my Father and my sons Dad. I was obsessed and denying the relationship that I had with my personal trainer and I was severely depressed.
Well, I relapsed and went back to everything that bought temporary comfort. My sons Dad went crazy(literally) so I haven't spoke to or seen his face since October 2017. And well fitness man did what all men do in my life, he left. Lastly my Dad had a severe stroke and is now bedridden in a convalescent home.
With all my losses I went crazy. The silent kind of crazy. I started drinking again and my binges got longer and my distance from God grew longer. Suddenly I was at the end of my rope. I know what kind of mother I want to be to my now 6 year old and an alcoholic is not that. I don't want to be the Mom who has a bunch of different men around her kids. I don't even want my son to see me mistreated by the same man over and over again.
So I went home, back to my church. I got me a real good sponsor and I got sober again August 13th, 2018. And none of this is by my power but by the grace of God. I am so powerless without Him and so He gets all the glory.
Lately I have been wanting to drink again. I have been getting so lonely. Same ole problems different day, different year. I am on my 10th step(yay) personal inventory and so I figured this would be a good time to start blogging again. I will boast in God who will bring me through my addictions. I cant go back to that darkness again. Yah, you are all I need. I love You.