2019

So much can change in 2 years. The last time I posted in April 2017 I had a year of sobriety under my belt and I had repaired the relationships with my Father and my sons Dad. I was obsessed and denying the relationship that I had with my personal trainer and I was severely depressed.
Well, I relapsed and went back to everything that bought temporary comfort. My sons Dad went crazy(literally) so I haven't spoke to or seen his face since October 2017. And well fitness man did what all men do in my life, he left. Lastly my Dad had a severe stroke and is now bedridden in a convalescent home.
With all my losses I went crazy. The silent kind of crazy. I started drinking again and my binges got longer and my distance from God grew longer. Suddenly I was at the end of my rope. I know what kind of mother I want to be to my now 6 year old and an alcoholic is not that. I don't want to be the Mom who has a bunch of different men around her kids. I don't even want my son to see me mistreated by the same man over and over again.
So I went home, back to my church. I got me a real good sponsor and I got sober again August 13th, 2018. And none of this is by my power but by the grace of God. I am so powerless without Him and so He gets all the glory.
Lately I have been wanting to drink again. I have been getting so lonely. Same ole problems different day, different year. I am on my 10th step(yay) personal inventory and so I figured this would be a good time to start blogging again. I will boast in God who will bring me through my addictions. I cant go back to that darkness again. Yah, you are all I need. I love You.