Sunday, March 31, 2019
love.
Abba this has been some month. So many people are hurting and going through changes. Big changes full of loss. I imagine some of them cant see their way out. I know some are afraid of what the future holds. Yah, help them to trust you, Lord send your word. Send peace Father, send comfort. Show them the light at the end of the tunnel. You have good plans father because your good. Your perfect in all of your ways even when we don't understand it. Please Abba wrap you arms around everyone who is hurting. God comfort them. We trust you and we love You.
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
2019
So much can change in 2 years. The last time I posted in April 2017 I had a year of sobriety under my belt and I had repaired the relationships with my Father and my sons Dad. I was obsessed and denying the relationship that I had with my personal trainer and I was severely depressed.
Well, I relapsed and went back to everything that bought temporary comfort. My sons Dad went crazy(literally) so I haven't spoke to or seen his face since October 2017. And well fitness man did what all men do in my life, he left. Lastly my Dad had a severe stroke and is now bedridden in a convalescent home.
With all my losses I went crazy. The silent kind of crazy. I started drinking again and my binges got longer and my distance from God grew longer. Suddenly I was at the end of my rope. I know what kind of mother I want to be to my now 6 year old and an alcoholic is not that. I don't want to be the Mom who has a bunch of different men around her kids. I don't even want my son to see me mistreated by the same man over and over again.
So I went home, back to my church. I got me a real good sponsor and I got sober again August 13th, 2018. And none of this is by my power but by the grace of God. I am so powerless without Him and so He gets all the glory.
Lately I have been wanting to drink again. I have been getting so lonely. Same ole problems different day, different year. I am on my 10th step(yay) personal inventory and so I figured this would be a good time to start blogging again. I will boast in God who will bring me through my addictions. I cant go back to that darkness again. Yah, you are all I need. I love You.
Well, I relapsed and went back to everything that bought temporary comfort. My sons Dad went crazy(literally) so I haven't spoke to or seen his face since October 2017. And well fitness man did what all men do in my life, he left. Lastly my Dad had a severe stroke and is now bedridden in a convalescent home.
With all my losses I went crazy. The silent kind of crazy. I started drinking again and my binges got longer and my distance from God grew longer. Suddenly I was at the end of my rope. I know what kind of mother I want to be to my now 6 year old and an alcoholic is not that. I don't want to be the Mom who has a bunch of different men around her kids. I don't even want my son to see me mistreated by the same man over and over again.
So I went home, back to my church. I got me a real good sponsor and I got sober again August 13th, 2018. And none of this is by my power but by the grace of God. I am so powerless without Him and so He gets all the glory.
Lately I have been wanting to drink again. I have been getting so lonely. Same ole problems different day, different year. I am on my 10th step(yay) personal inventory and so I figured this would be a good time to start blogging again. I will boast in God who will bring me through my addictions. I cant go back to that darkness again. Yah, you are all I need. I love You.
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